Health and Fitness Journal

Salad is good for you, right?  Filling up on Romaine lettuce and fresh field tomatoes at the salad bar is a step in the right health direction, don’t you agree? Cucumbers and carrots can only act to boost your immune system and combat workaday fatigue, wouldn’t you say?  It turns out the answers to these seemly simple questions aren’t quite what you’d expect.

Greg Lawless, of the University Of  Seattle, an award-winning microbiologist, claims in a new study, while you are what you eat, you may be eating a whole lot of things you don’t even know about. “Fruits and veggies, contrary to widespread public opinion, often do more harm than good when consumed in a diet unsupervised by health-care professionals; and I’m not just saying this because my wife’s a health care professional,” said Lawless. “Salad is more detrimental to your mental health than reading Dawkins“.

While eating veggies in small amounts is still considered a dietary plus, large helpings “fuel bacterial growth” and may lead to “late life memory loss,” said Lawless. “I don’t think it’s asking people a whole helluva lot to eat their veggies more responsibly, just as they eat their cheeses and sweetmeats,” added the bespeckled microbiologist.

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I don’t know what to think - is the sun good for me, or bad for me? I just cut my hair and I’m worried I’m gonna get spots on my head because now more of me is exposed to the sun. My girlfriend Drew says I’m not worried enough about the sun’s dangers. She says it’s okay if I cut my hair, but that I should leave it “long on the top, and just cut the sides.”

I told the barber to shave the sides only, but he thought I wanted a Mohican. Now I’m so afraid of those incoming spots. I mean, I don’t want to look like Gorby; no offense to Russia’s people. I understand different countries have different fashion customs, so maybe it is okay over there to have big splotchy sun spots on your head. Who knows?

I tried rubbing a smooth coating of Goalch Sun Cream on my pate. It stung, so I wiped it off. I also tried wearing a baseball cap, but it just caused further fashion friction: I didn’t know if I should wear the thing backwards, or forwards, or what. So, at the moment, I am still risking it all, for fun in the sun.

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Ever notice how most health discussions are aimed at women? Men, it seems, are more interested in body building than eating to stay healthy.

Today I’d like to discuss a few common sense mens health topics. Top three myths, in my book, are:

1. Men are Muscular

Not necessarily. Most women would agree that masculinity is defined by body mass. Women prefer intelligence and inner strength to mere body mass.

2. Virility is the Domain of the Young

Sexuality is an important part of intimacy, and studies show that being sexual active prevents a lot of ailments. If you suffer from erectile dysfunction, why not grab yourself some cheap Viagra and get re-acquainted with your wife?

 3. Real Men Smoke and Drink

Remember the Marlboro man? Wow, he was masculine, eh? Yeah, and it was probably super sexy when he was coughing up a lung.

These stereotypes are outdated and unhealthy. Forget them. Real men live healthy lives.

If you still smoke, quit already. If you don’t smoke, don’t start.

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